• Videogame Valentines: Part II

    Videogame Valentines: Part II

    Nachiket Mhatre, Feb 19, 2011 1000 hrs IST

    We bring you bad girls your mom warned you about

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Got pwnt at Valentine's Day again this year? Did the girl of your dreams make you eat the humble pie? Well, life can be a bitch and so can real-life women. So next year, play it smart and don't let a fake marketing ploy of greeting card companies make you feel miserable. That's because we can always fall back on our videogame valentines, who are perfect in every possible (read anatomical) way. And unlike what's prevalent in real life, their bitchiness isn't directly proportional to their looks. In fact, they aren't high maintenance at all, and they sure as hell don't care about your bank balance.

Now that we have got mindless sexist generalisations out of the way, we can move on to the more pleasant part of the article - the continuation of our Videogame Valentines series. This is where you stop pretending to be politically correct and, in an act of unmitigated honesty, unleash the pervert in you. Yes, we all have one inside us; one that manages to fight its way out into guilt-free voyeuristic world of videogames, where anything goes, as long as you're a horny game programmer, who can hide the nude models from ESRB in the form of an Easter egg.

Catherine

Catherine


catherine



The more I look at the tropes of the gentlemanly kind, the more I am convinced that we all have a masochist hidden somewhere within our psyche. I mean, women love bad boys and so do men, with their morbid fascination for bad girls. Nothing can spell 'bad' like Catherine, and she has looks that can kill - quite literally at that. Not convinced about her bad girl status yet? Don't take my word, but hear what her official description has to say, "Catherine, a young girl [sic] whom seduces Vincent into a one-night stand. [she] Enjoys her free-will, and has no plans to marry or be stuck with one man for any length of time." Or flawless, in short.

Apart from the aura of hotness permeating her personality, Catherine is described as a "22-year-old woman, who has a charming face and a 'well-proportioned' body, which makes men turn and stare". She is fiercely independent and quite unconcerned about anything else with a pleasantly non-clingy, no-strings-attached attitude to relationships; much like a cat, if you must. I don't know about you, but that pretty much spells the perfect woman for any red blooded male out there.

Like always, there is a catch. She prefers to seduce men already in a relationship, so that makes most of us ineligible - that and the fact that her relationships don't generally tend to last. While that may spell awesome as per the The Bro Code, there's the small black widowesque detail that her relationships generally end with the death of the guy.

Then there's the rumour going around town that men who cheat are being found dead in their sleep. Is this a disturbing coincidence? Well, finding out sure will be fun, and even on the flip side, you'll at least die happy. Sounds like a win-win to me.

That's Catherine for you, and she's from the eponymously named game Catherine, which released two days ago for the PS3 and Xbox 360 platforms. We can't wait to get our grubby paws on that one, but will have to wait till Atlus releases an English dubbed version of the story driven action/adventure/puzzle game.

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Discussion Board
(13) Comments
Atif
,Delhi, on Feb 20, 2011 12:10 AM
Nice article.But the couch potato vignette on top is what really gave me the lulz(Wait,it is really a couch potato isnt it?!)
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Nachiket
, TechTree, on Feb 20, 2011 12:52 AM
It's not. It's the Forever Alone guy. It's a meme, where the Forever Alone guy expresses loneliness and disappointment with his life. It's rather appropriate for a Valentine's day article featuring virtual women.
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Forever Alone G
,getsmoreaction, on Feb 21, 2011 06:46 PM
Hee hee. What's fun is that you're the one writing an article fantasizing about animated women. Oh, the irony.
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The Banat
,has spare time, on Feb 19, 2011 10:09 AM
So many politically correct articles. Wowie.
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Stabbing
, Steve, on Feb 19, 2011 11:00 AM
I'm keeping a tab on the number of times you post condescending replies, because when I finally find you, that's the number of times I'm going to stab you.
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The Banat
,is so afraid, on Feb 19, 2011 02:05 PM
I'm keeping a tab on the number of threats of physical violence you keep making to me. When you finally do decide to assault me, I shall "Ha-Ha" at you, a'la Nelson the same number of times. Also, *shudder* (?)
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Chip & Dale
, Chipmunks, on Feb 19, 2011 06:06 PM
Your m0m's a flippin' hypocrite. She used to tell you never to play with your food, but she would play with our nuts all the time.
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Big Daddy
,InYoMom, on Feb 19, 2011 06:35 PM
She never talked when her mouth was full though. I made sure of that.
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The Banat
,aka Mr. Anthrope, on Feb 21, 2011 06:43 PM
You certainly seem to know a lot about incest. Family tradition, I suppose. Hamlet, much? :)
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dude
,kochi, on Feb 19, 2011 10:24 PM
Ha ha! Gotta love your article mate! It's refreshing that some of the old school politically incorrect dudes like you are still around!! Keep it comin mate! P.S- Thank you so much about your article 'Worst games of 2010- the scum of the year gone by...'- especially about Quantum Theory. The guy whom I gifted it to has moved back to his hometown of Pune two weeks ago. He will not be missed. Funny how he isn't answering my phone calls...mwahaha!!!!
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Nachiket
, TechTree, on Feb 19, 2011 11:34 PM
Think about it; if you remember my comments on Quantum Theory, I had mentioned how the reviewer survived the ordeal because we kept him buoyed with valium and made sure the test labs were padded and rid of sharp objects and ceiling fans. So unless your friend was fortunate enough to have the same level of protection, I believe there is a good reason why he isn't answering your calls.
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dude
,kochi, on Feb 19, 2011 11:39 PM
lol so true! Everyone's enjoyin the peace and quiet now that he's gone!
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Ritesh
,Delhi, on Feb 19, 2011 08:07 AM
Guess what.. Kathy's mom (Carol tong) was a p%&*nstar..
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