"Do not envy our kind," is what I keep telling awestruck people when they hear that I play games for a living. For every awesome game, there is ten times as many of the boring kind. For every ten of those, there is at least one that makes sniffing glue at the local railway station sound like a more rewarding career choice; because the drug induced grogginess makes one oblivious to the suffering. And that is one luxury the reviewers forced to play low rent shovelware cannot afford. Unlike those who play games solely for entertainment, we don't have the liberty of choice. We can't just switch off the console and head over to the returns section. So without much ado, here is a list of the worst games of 2010, and may their souls rest in pieces!
The term 'humankind ' is a gross misnomer. There is nothing kind about us humans. We are cruel in the way we make T-Rexes, white sharks, grizzly bears, the bubonic plague and Ekta Kapoor look benevolent. I say this because it is the human race that has unleashed unmitigated horrors like the mustard gas, ricin and VX nerve agents, the vacuum bomb and, of course, Quantum Theory upon the world. Yes, Quantum Theory, because it ranks right up there with the most horrid games ever to taint the game industry.
Fortunately, as I was busy pretending to work, my colleague Roydon Cerejo took one for the team and decided to review this game. Okay, I can't lie anymore. The truth actually was that he got suckered in by the shiny trailers on the website and therefore called first dibs on the game. And boy what a bad idea that was! There's nothing much to talk about the game except the fact that it is atrocious in every imaginable aspect. You should, in fact, honor Roydon's sacrifice and read the review to witness the magnitude of its catastrophe. It has been, by far, the least rated title we have reviewed, and for a good reason.
Although I did not play it, I made sure to witness Roydon suffer through the ordeal. It was all funny for the first few minutes, but as the hours passed, I saw his very soul being devoured by the game's repetitiveness and the lack of any character. Quantum Theory's utter dearth of substance or any redeeming quality is like a void - one with its own gravitational field that sucks the last vestiges of happiness out of anyone who's foolish enough to subject themselves to it. Hour after hour, I helplessly saw my colleague drained of his sanity. We had to up his usual dosage of Valium and remove all sharp objects out of the test labs.
I can't possibly fathom anyone putting down Rs. 2,500 for the PS3 title. I can think of a billion more pleasant and productive endeavors that one can undertake instead of playing this abhorrent excuse for a game. The only reason why you see him still push in the articles is because we removed all the ceiling fans and padded the walls. So next time you read the reviews or decide to flame the comments section as usual, please spare a though for all the sacrifices we make for you guys.